The War on Werewolves

"Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit . . . creating human-animal hybrids."

- George W. Bush, State of the Union Address, January 31, 2006.

Clearly, the President was deeply affected by watching the recent Sony Pictures release of Underworld Evolution in the White House theater (frightening resemblances to the 2000 release of the movie X-Men, featuring a political campaign against mutants, also come to mind). Or maybe he's just been responding to the main concerns of Colorado's Republican caucus. It's hard to tell.

Liberals know better. We are pro-werewolf. A more sympathic portrayal of werewolf lifestyles in contemporary North American can be found in the writings of an author from our more sensible neighbor to the North. This is not surprising because, as a general rule, Canada usually has better public policies than the United States. We are also, unlike the President, pro-Spider Man. This also figures. Spider Man, a prominent member of the human-animal hybrid community, lives in the city, and cities tend to be safe Democratic constituencies. But, the pro-human-animal hybrid community also isn't exclusively a liberal secular humanist one. Another prominent member of the human-animal hybrid community is Jesse Helms, who is part pig (True!). And, noted Christian apologist C.S. Lewis, for example, included numerous not unequivocally negative portrayals of human-animal hybrids in his writings. (More seriously, almost all diabetics rely on human-animal hybrids to stay alive on a daily basis.)

But, the truth of the matter is that, unlike Republicans, Democrats don't really see the whole human-animal hybrid threat as a legislative priority. As Andrew Romanoff, the current Democratic Speaker of the Colorado House of Representatives put the matter so presciently last year: "We're talking about the budget, and they're talking about bestiality."