Pages

10 July 2013

ACK Blogging II

The People of Nantucket believe certain truths to be inevitable:

1.  All man made structures should be gray, with the possible exception of red brick chimneys.  Color is reserved for flowers.

2.  All inanimate objects of substance, be they boats, homes, businesses or motor vehicles should have names, preferrably names dripping with irony.  For example, "Le Shack" is an excellent name for your $2,000,000 beach side house.

3.  Anyone who is able to do so should hide his home from the world with vegetation.  Consumption should not be conspicuous.

4.  Signage is for people who already know where things are; people who don't know where things are shouldn't be encouraged.

5.  One should never show more skin than necessary anywhere but on the beach, and only young single women in their twenties should wear skimpy bikinis.  Women should wear skirts or dresses around town.

6.  The town library should be more grand than any church or town hall.  Perhaps because it is a beacon of knowledge, it may be white rather than gray.

7.  Sidewalks should be narrow enough to cause pedestrian traffic jams on a regular basis.

8.  All commercial flights on and off the island should have the same price for the entire season at every hour of the day and night; an off season/on seasons distinction is tolerable.

9.  It is the natural order of things that children and men who act like children should adopt shelter cats and dogs during their summer visits.  Nantucket cats mostly come from the Cape, and Nantucket dogs are mostly mutts abandoned in the State of Mississippi where the usual practice is to shoot abandoned dogs on sight, because residents are responsible and rarely abandon their animals brought by a single valiant expatriot who drives up up load of shelter dogs several times a year.  It is quite fashionable to have a Mississippi Mutt.

10.  The preferred occupation of pre-teens is as docents (jr. rangers, etc.) at local attractions at which they gain historical and scientific knowledge and share it with visitors.

No comments:

Post a Comment