Household Rules

Her: What does he want to do?

Me: My list would include putting hot things on the granite countertop in the kitchen, not cleaning the drain catcher and squeegeeing the titles after every shower, closing the curtains in front of a house plant at night and then not opening them when the sun rises, eating meals after seven p.m., leaving a dirty dish in the sink to clean in the morning, leaving liquor out and visible when contractors come to work at the house, doom scrolling at 3 a.m., moving or breathing heavily after getting into bed, eating out when we have sandwich ingredients in the refrigerator, not replacing the soap in the shower the moment it runs out, leaving on a trip without the radio playing, adopt cats, using the induction range without protective parchment paper over the surface, putting a pizza directly on the oven rack without a baking sheet, leaving clothes that I plan to wear again on the bedroom floor, interrupting meditation time for a smooch, leaving the ice maker bar in the freezer in the wrong position, wasting the day by sleeping until noon on a weekend or a holiday, impulse buying a Pikachu stuffed animal that is three feet tall, displaying art with a partially topless figure in the living room, not charging my phone every night, setting the thermostat too low, not immediately replacing a light bulb in a fixture with five of them when the first one goes out, eating popcorn with movie butter spray on it, ignoring the fruits and vegetables in the kitchen when getting a snack, putting a dishes in the dishwasher instead of hand washing them when there are only a few of them, putting enamel chop sticks in the dishwasher, filling the dish washer with dishwashing stuff all the way to the top of the slot for it, buying instant oatmeal instead of old fashioned oat meal, buying non-organic 2% milk, not taking off my shoes to go back and grab something I left on the kitchen table for ten seconds, leaving books stacked high next to my living room chair, spreading papers for work over the couch and leaving them there until the next day, complaining about having a Christmas tree, listening to music too loudly, closing the front door too hard, throwing out the plastic bag liner for the bathroom trash with the trash, ignoring dog hair on the furniture and reg that I don't notice, moving furniture that hasn't had felt pads put on the bottom of the legs, keeping boxes of newspaper clippings in the house, keeping many work related books in the house, bringing home groceries that weren't on the list, leaving the door open while stepping out for thirty seconds to do something, not shutting the blinds in the bedroom completely closed at night, using more than one pillow, letting bare skin touch the couch, sitting on the ottoman, putting sharp knives in the dishwasher, putting nut butter in the refrigerator, using the nice gel pens, using the fabric scissors, leaving small appliances on the counter after you're done using them, showering while the lawn sprinkler is going, setting the lawn sprinkler so it goes on the pavement so it can be done in one zone instead of two, throwing out the bran because it ruins baked goods, eating fruits and vegetables without rinsing them in vinegar, making hot drinks with unfiltered water, eating away from the table, hiding all the swim suits but the string bikinis, leaving the vacuum cleaner in the wrong room, disposing of food scraps with the grinder in the sink, letting bacon grease go down the sink, using the charcoal side of the grill instead of the gas side, using temperature settings higher than medium on the range, cutting cantalope into slices instead of cubes, buying more books without removing old ones from the house, using fresh paper that hasn't been used for anything else in the printer, making grits in the microwave without a cover, letting tweens watch PG-13 or rate R content, using all the coat hooks, leaving more than one pair of shoes out of the shoe storage box at a time, putting heavy things on the top cabinet shelves, using the gold rimmed water glasses if a member of royalty isn't visiting our home, not using dryer balls, not taking my phone in silent or do not disturb or airplane mode after a movie or airplane flight, eating the last edible before buying more, wear t-shirts from college, use an overhead light instead of a lamp, using a decanter as a flower vase, throwing away perfectly good ziplock bags, etc.

Her: It takes a lot to civilize a man!

Slightly modified from a Facebook post and comment thread. 

Why preserve this in a blog post?

Because it is easy to forget the myriad little rules that are part of daily life in a household, not lofty enough for policymakers, and usually summarized in just a few words. But, this is a reminder of how intricate and decision filled everyday life in a household really is and how many little choices and observations that we're often totally oblivious to, except in the moment, exist.