Soldiers Led By Stupid Deadbeat Dad Crooks

An Army Colonel is a pretty powerful guy, one step below a General. Traditionally, that rank has been sufficient to lead a combat brigade of about 5,000 soldiers. A Colonel usually doesn't make high level strategic decisions, like how to distribute soldiers within Iraq, but does make vast numbers of life or death high level tactical decisions. They also have quasi-judicial court martial authority over junior officers and enlisted men.

Alas, at least one of those men is a dead beat dad, and at least two of them are stupid criminals.

Army Colonel Scott M. Carlson, 51, is the deadbeat dad.

Carlson had been paying a Virginia woman child support for her 9-year-old daughter and she was seeking an increase, Senior Assistant District Attorney Derek Clepper said. . . After the criminal investigation started, Carlson sent a letter to the domestic relations office in August and said he had been paying support since January 1999, had not paid since December 2006, and wanted to resume paying.

Both Carlson and Bruce S. Adkins, 44, are also both stupid crooks:

Both men had been members of the class of 2007 at the Army War College in Carlisle. . . . Carlson appeared at the Cumberland County domestic relations office in March to arrange for a paternity test.

County domestic relations employees became suspicious when another man showed up in April, claimed to be Carlson and wanted to take the paternity test.

The man presented Carlson's out-of-state driver's license, signed papers as Carlson, provided a thumbprint, and provided a DNA sample . . . the man was identified through the thumbprint as Adkins.

This takes the cake when it comes to leaving a trail of evidence that will irrefutably prove that you are guilty. Does military TV not offer CSI?

Adkins has, sensibly, admitted wrongdoing when caught and is trying to get leniency by testifying against Carlson. Putting aside their demonstrated disrespect for the law, these are jobs that call for a high level of tactical intelligence, which both men clearly lack. This case would funny if it involved a couple of nobody buffoons, but when you consider just how powerful they were, it gives you pause.

As a footnote, this case also illustrates an interesting point. While members of the U.S. military are subject to the jurisdiction of the military court system everywhere, they are not immune from prosecution under U.S. civilian law for crimes committed in the United States. This case is being prosecuted by an ordinary county district attorney.