In order to watch Michael Phelps, the greatest swimmer in the history of the world, win gold medals and break world records at the Olympics, I brought my television (usually reserved for watching DVDs) up from the depths of my basement where reception is dismal, to my upstairs living room with a better direct line to the TV towers on Table Mountain.
Alas, the trauma of the move apparently did some damage. The monsterous fourteen year old cathode ray tube television set did not appreciate being brought upstairs. Or, perhaps it was traumatized during the opening night storm without its usual surge protector. Either way, the widget that projects red light onto the circle in the middle of the screen, where it mixes with two other colors to produce pleasing reds and flesh tones, decided to die. Now, people of all races and ethnicities in the middle of the screen are popsicle purple, and all things red are blue.
Clearly, this is Michael Phelps' fault. He was the cause of all of this, after all.
Now, I am a reasonable man. I wouldn't dream of suing. He won the medals and broke the records and that should count for something. But, the world needs to know the truth. I'll bet I'm not the only one.